my brain kinda does stuff when a problem is difficult i only finds ways to put more effort into it, exhaust it, make it more difficult, nitpick every detail -- this aspect is visible all througout my academic work ( 1 problem turns into much more ) AND things like stances on social issues ( like 1 problem is led by institutional critique, but is that really so bad ),,,,,, i enjoy complexity and being detailed, though it can sometimes bite me in the butt and cost me burnout ( like living in a constant work -> burnout -> work cycle ), sanity, time, energy, correctness, harshness, rationale, ... --- some of it could probably be resolved by chilling out but when i do try to chill out i begin thinking of other ideas, errors i could fix, something i could implement, something i could write, something i could do, etc. i begin recursing into a graph of never-ending subproblems, which causes me to act on them -- and by not acting i kinda feel neglectful, saccus vacuus, or simply unfulfilled / unhappy, maybe im just destined to Do Stuff well anyway kind of what thoughts came up from a long conversation i had in regards to my schedule also in similar vein idk i kinda feel like im wasting time in uni a lot of the time but i cant wait for second semester wherein i am hopefully faced w more difficulty, but also were only a month in so maybe im just overestimating, tho im kinda bored in classes not bc topic boring but bc i already know, i feel like a future teller when i see a slide "doing stuff" my whole life has stripped away the joy of learning that stuff now </3 oh well anyw im def not the busiest person on the planet, id say far far from it, but i do just do stuff very intensely just as i feel, act, and express -- in this sense im also not like still water i like cats
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